Semi Secret Sophie🌙✨

I Was on Fire and Frozen: My Last Mixed Episode

10/27/2025

It’s taken me a minute to write this. Partly because I’m still unpacking it, and partly because I didn’t want to make it real. But if you’ve ever been through a mixed episode, or loved someone who has, maybe hearing what it felt like from the inside will help put words to the chaos.

For me, it started like it always does: I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t sit still, couldn’t stop the thousand thoughts chasing each other in my head like fireworks and razor blades. I had so much energy I could barely breathe. And yet? I was drowning in sorrow. Agitated and crushed. Terrified and reckless. Euphoric and suicidal. All at once.

There were days I felt like I had genius clarity, like I could finally fix my life, clean the house, write the book, build the empire. And then without warning, I’d spiral. I’d sob for no reason. I’d get mean. I’d want to disappear. My body was trembling from the inside, like I was vibrating with an emotion I didn’t have a name for. My skin didn’t feel like it fit.

The worst part? I knew I wasn’t okay. I knew I was manic. I knew I was depressed. But the knowing didn’t fix it. I couldn’t slow down. I couldn’t rest. I couldn’t explain why I was both numb and overflowing with feeling. There were nights I’d lie in bed gripping my pillow like a lifeline, white-knuckling it just to make it until morning.

I didn’t tell most people what was happening. I wore my little “I’m fine!” mask and made jokes and got shit done… until I couldn’t anymore. And even when I finally asked for help, upped my meds, talked to my doctor, leaned on my partners… I felt ashamed. Like I should be able to outsmart my own brain by now.

But here’s the truth I’m holding onto: surviving a mixed episode is a victory. There’s no shame in struggling when your mind is fighting itself. There’s no weakness in reaching out, or in slowing down when you feel like you’re being dragged at 100 mph by your own thoughts. There is so much strength in choosing to stay.

So if you’re reading this and nodding along… if you’ve felt that sharp-cold burning, if you’ve been manic and crying and talking too fast and too loud because you’re scared you’ll shatter… please know: you are not alone. You are not broken. And this will not last forever.

I’m still healing. I’m still scared sometimes. But I’m still here.

And that counts for everything.

Starting Fresh with YEEp 🚙✨

9/19/2025

For the past few months, my old Malibu and I were at war. First came the warning lights, then the dreaded “Engine Power Reduced” message, and finally the moment where it refused to start at all. I had poured time, money, and way too much stress into keeping it alive, but at 173k miles it was clear: it was time to let go.

That’s when I decided to start fresh and that’s how I ended up in my new 2023 Jeep Cherokee Altitude Lux, affectionately nicknamed YEEp.

Walking into a dealership with my credit score, upside-down loan, and a ton of anxiety should have been overwhelming, but Don Herring Mitsubishi in Irving flipped the script completely. From the moment I arrived, the manager greeted me with a big smile and a handshake, and then introduced me to Yusuf, who became my sales rep. They treated me like a real person not just a sale and worked quickly to get me into something safe, reliable, and honestly pretty badass.

For once, I didn’t leave a dealership drained or second-guessing myself. Instead, I drove off in YEEp, blasting music, grinning like a fool, and feeling lighter than I had in months. It wasn’t stress-free, but it was close, and that’s saying something.

Here’s to fewer breakdowns, more adventures, and a fresh start behind the wheel.

✨ Life Lately: Grit, Glitter, & a Whole Lotta Growth

9/10/2025

Hey friends 💛

It’s been a week. A swirl of chaos, connection, and cozy little moments that somehow stitch together a life. I’ve been meaning to post a life update for a bit now, and honestly, I think I needed to write it just to remind myself that I am still moving, still making progress, even when it doesn’t feel like it.

🧠 Mental & Emotional Check-In

Let’s start with the truth: I’ve been struggling. Things have been heavy lately… emotionally, mentally, spiritually. The kind of heavy that feels like dragging yourself through molasses while everyone else seems to be sprinting. But I’m still standing. Still waking up. Still trying. That counts. That’s grit.

But also, hope is peeking in. I’ve been thinking a lot about fall and how it feels like the world is giving us permission to change. Like, yeah… things are dying, but only so new things can bloom. I’m clinging to that energy hard right now. I’m ready to let some things go and welcome a softer version of me.

👨‍👩‍👦‍👦 The Littles

The kids have been in full back-to-school mode. Between the no phone policy drama, hilarious vocabulary words, and end-of-day recaps that are somehow both chaotic and heart-melting, they’ve been my little anchors.
Spencer’s got a whole vibe lately. He’s discovering some GREAT music! It’s so wild to hear him listening to the same tunes I was at 15.
Oliver is adjusting beautifully to the new school. I was so worried about that transition, but he’s showing me daily that he’s more resilient than I give him credit for. His joy is such a balm right now.

💙 Cole & Anna

My poly cornerstones.
Cole’s been knee-deep in creative projects as always, laser projection setups, game development brainstorms, roller derby gear optimization (IYKYK), and somehow still has time to check in and give me perspective when I feel like I’m spiraling. Our conversations lately have been deep and real and vulnerable. I love that about us.

Anna’s been steady and kind as ever. I see her holding so many people together with quiet strength, even when no one’s clapping for it. She deserves more recognition and rest than the world tends to give. I’m trying to be part of that softness she deserves, even in small ways.

🖤 Brandon

He’s been holding down his side of the storm, too. We’ve both been doing the delicate dance of co-existing through hard times, trying not to spill our pain onto each other but still being present. It’s not always perfect, but it’s honest.
We even got a chance to carve out a little time for comfort food and nostalgia this week (Chinese buffet night, let’s gooo). It was low-stakes, no-pressure, and exactly what my nervous system needed. He’s always been a safe space in the middle of the noise.

🌙 What I’m Manifesting

• A slow, cozy fall
• Clarity and confidence in the decisions ahead
• More journaling, less doomscrolling
• The courage to let go of what isn’t feeding me
• A few deep belly laughs and maybe a campfire or two

I don’t have everything figured out. But I do have people. I do have a heart that keeps beating even when it’s tired. And I do have hope.

And sometimes, that’s enough.

If you’re still here, reading, supporting, loving me—thank you. I see you. I need you.

Let’s keep going. 🍂✨

The everyday chaos: little stories, milestones, and probably a few too many pictures of things that made me laugh.

🌱 Lately, in the Land of Sophie

9/2/2025

Life has been full in every direction lately. Not always loud, but always moving. It’s felt like a season of quiet building of rooms, of routines, of relationships, and of myself.

Here’s what I’ve been up to lately:

🏡 Real Life Stuff

• I’ve been deep in lab things. Building up new locations, writing SOPs, learning new machines, and trying to keep things running without running myself into the ground.
• I finally broke up with social media and created this cozy little space instead. Already feels like a better fit for my soul.

💖 Family & Relationships

• Both kids are loving their new schools.
• We’re slowly turning Brandon into a gamer! He’s helping us defend Democracy in Helldivers 2
• Cole and I are building PCs, planning scavenger hunts, and running a little circus of creative chaos and love.
• I’m still learning how to hold space for my own emotions without drowning in them. Especially the big ones like guilt, grief, and vulnerability. It’s been hard. But it’s also been healing.

🎮 Projects & Play

• Started several new games! HellDivers 2, Gone Fishing, and Fortnite.
• PocketGPT is my weird little AI side project that keeps surprising me with how much I love building things just for fun.
• I’ve been creating artwork and organizing my life one colorful doodle and storage cube at a time.

✨ Mood?

Some days I feel unstoppable. Other days I feel like a little worm in a glitter jacket just trying to wriggle through the day. But I’m still showing up. Still rebuilding. Still soft.

This page is where I’ll leave little updates and personal check-ins, like postcards from my inner world. Thanks for reading. I’m glad you’re here. 🌙